You Want Choices? You Got Choices!

The further we trudge down the path toward the presidential election, the sicker just about all of us are getting of the major candidates left in the race. Thankfully, there are so many more to burn through! Ed Brayton has surveyed some of the 1669 (you read that right) people who have filed to run for president and it is, let me tell you, an interesting bunch. Here’s a taste:

If you’re feeling a bit weird, you could try Sir TrippyCup aka Young Trippz aka The GOAT aka The Prophet aka Earl, if you’re not into the whole, ya know, brevity thing. And if you’re into the whole medieval fantasy thing, you could vote for Actual Literal Dragon. President Frederickson Asshat Kazoo does kind of roll of the tongue, doesn’t it?

There are lots of religious figures running. Jesus Christ himself is taking a shot at it. I can’t wait for the debate between him and The Antichrist. That just has to be moderated by Glenn Beck. And if you’re tired of voting for the lesser of two evils, you might cast your vote for Dr. Ourlordandsavior Cthulu (I can’t imagine how he found time to go to medical school with his busy schedule of devouring souls). I suspect Lesale Venomancer Deathbringer is just trying to get a cabinet position as Secretary of Defense. And for all the Satanists on your shopping list, there’s always Mrs. Luci Fer. She’s apparently running against her husband, His Royal Majesty Satan, Lord of the Underworld, Prince of Darkness. I doubt that guy will do anything about global warming. But I’m sure Abraham Israel will sacrifice whatever it takes to get the job done.

Every name has a link to the actual FEC filing for that candidate – he’s not making these up! Hell, I’m surprised these guys aren’t listed yet:


Those are candidates I could get behind!



One thought on “You Want Choices? You Got Choices!

  1. Pingback: Scraping the Bottom of the Bucket(head) | JD Byrne

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